Thursday, August 21, 2008

THE BRO CODE


I don't know about you but I think "How I Met Your Mother" is one of the best TV shows ou there
So for all you wanna be pimps awesoming somewhere in the urinal
I know I'm not the only one waiting for some new Barney Stinson
And, since summer vacation is almost over, to refresh your memory box, here is Barney Stinson's Bro Code once again:
(Shout out to DJ Dob and Vincz Lee, they know what I'm talking about)

Article 1: Bro's before Ho's

Article 2: Never drink the last beer, unless you have been granted specific permission that it is OK.

Article 3: If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

A. Was an ex-girlfriend
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her'
C Is your Bro's sister

However, if it's your Bros cousin, well she's up for grabs,, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.

Article 4: Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game. Just leave it alone, it's kinder to pick on them for a dead relative.

Article 5: You must never own a cat.

Article 6: If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:

1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them).
2. Your acquaintances.
3. Your co-workers.
4. The mailman.
5. The UPS guy.
6. NASA.
7. John Kerry.
....1,485,726. Your girlfriend.

Article 7: You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, we're already too late.

Article 8: Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.

Article 9: If you go the bar with your Bro, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.

Article 10: There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.

Article 11: If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.

Article 12:Standard shotgun rules are as follows.

A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
B. Shotgun must be called outside.
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.

Article 13: NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection).

Article 14: It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."

Article 15: Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.

Article 16: Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn't matter how ludicrous the other guy sounds telling you that Jake Plummer was better than Steve McNair last season, let him be.

Article 17: When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.

Article 18: Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.

Article 19: Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.

Article 20: Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though.

Article 29: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existance of a girl fight

Article 34: Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Threesome

Article 53: A Bro will whenever possible provide his Bro with protection

Article 56: A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool

Article 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ration

Article 58: If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 59: One Bro makes a sole attack; A second Bro provdes a crutch; A third Bro rounds out the pack; But a fourth Bro is one too much.

Article 60: Should a Bro be near to closing wth a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl's wildly unattractive cousin/friend/mother.

Article 61: A Bro shall honor thy father and mother.

Article 62: In the event that two Bros aquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet rock, paper, scissors shall determine the outcome.

Article 63: In a scenario in which two of more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bron in ANY capacity, including but not limited to: the high-five, the fist bump, or congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favourite sports team in a playoff scenario.

Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.

Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - desered or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

Article 68: If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a foreign country.

Article 77: A Bro never cries

Article 87: A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes'.

Article 89: The mum of a Bro is always off limits, but the step mum of a bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.